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This summer sucks. Majorly.

Not even two weeks into summer break and I want it to be over. I have spent almost every day of this summer alone. When I'm not alone, I'm stuck spending it with my family. I have not seen one of my friends since school let out nor have I even really talked with them... They're all too busy for me. I had thought this summer would be awesome, getting to hang out with friends and doing fun stuff together. But so far it's just been painful, going through every day wishing it was actually just a Sunday and that maybe tomorrow you'd get to go back to school and actually socialize with people instead of sitting at home, whining to nobody about how much your life sucks because no one you know wants to listen. At least I have online friends who are willing to talk to me so I don't feel totally isolated from the world... I just hope the rest of this summer will turn out better.

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Long, badly written rant about my life.

Okay. This is going to be another post from me talking about my life. But, if you're a friend of mine, please read this. Because, albeit long and ramble-filled, this is important. I don't mean to put Meaghan and Ashley on the spot but since you two are my closest friends (and sadly the root to many a problem with me) there's going to be a lot about and directed towards you two in here. Take what I say to heart, or don't. I just need to get this all out. And I'm going to try to go through all of this as a sort of self-diagnosis as to why I am the way I am, so try and keep up.
I, apparently, don't share well. This is obvious to any person with enough observation skills to see the way I react when i hear that Meaghan is going off to do something without me. Yeah... Meaghan, since you've been there for me since sixth grade, you are my oldest friend. And, I'm sorry but I've probably become more dependent on you than I should be. You are the only person who knows and sees the real me. You're the only person I trust... But sometimes I feel like you forget.
I know that the reason we became so close in middle school was because i was the shiny new friend. I was given all of your attention and I reveled in it. But I couldn't stay your only best friend forever. Like with me, you'd meet a new friend and immediately all your attention goes to them.
I have a jealousy problem. This is mostly due to the fact that I also have a fear of being alone. So when you leave me to be with other friends, I freak out. I never want to blame you because it isn't your fault you have other friends. Most of the time the blame falls onto my own shoulders.
It's my fault for being too needy. It's my fault for not being as open. If I had more friends like you do, I wouldn't have to want to spend any time I have with only you. But I'm afraid of people.
That sounds like a stupid fear but truthfully I am. I can't get close to people. Talking to people I don't know gives me panic attacks... So making friends is difficult. Making best friends is even harder.
But I started trying. I'm trying to get closer to you, Ashley, because I know that you sometimes react the same way I do... Like the time when you felt like Meaghan and I were too close and you felt left out and like you didn't belong. I feel that way too.
We never had a chance to really talk about that time and I'm sorry for bringing it back up, I just want to make the point that we obviously have more in common than we really thought. And I like that we've been getting closer to each other lately. I still feel though that we're still not comfortable with one another yet.
I don't want to play emotional tug-o-war with you over Meaghan, but sometimes I feel like that's what we're doing. It's probably a one sided thing; I have a tendency to overreact to the littlest things you or Meaghan say or do together... I just don't want to be left out.
And I'm not saying you both have to throw me into every little thing you do because you both have your own jokes, your own things you do together and I would never want to take those from you. I'm just asking you not to forget about me.
Tonight, I did something I vowed I'd never let myself do when I got upset over things like this. But all of the stress I was feeling from the mall fiasco (which, if you want, I can tell you two about just why I got so upset at the mall... It's a lot more whining about my life and insecurities so just tell me or something if you feel you need to hear that story) and then arguments with my dad just put me on the edge. And then, like normal, a little push came and toppled me over. (the push being that I was sure Meaghan liked Ashley more because when it came to my tweet to you wishing you a happy birthday and telling you how thankful I was for you, all you said was "that's cheesy" while Ashley made you cry with her birthday message... Yeah, it's something stupid but as I've said before, I'm messed up when it comes to things like this.)
I wanted to hurt myself. I couldn't take how much i hurt over the most mundane things. Normally when things get stressful and I get really upset over something that happens, I'll just dig my nails into the back of my hand to distract myself from the pain in my heart but tonight I wanted to do more... I'll never have the actual courage to cut, but tonight was the first night I've ever grabbed something sharp and almost done it and I hate that about me that I almost physically hurt myself because of these feelings I let build up. I want to change and get better so things like this don't push me to such extremes. And, if you two are willing, I could use some help.
I know it's a lot for me to ask for you two to help me with a personal problem I'm having but I need support right now if I'm going to try and change myself. What I'm asking from you two is just support. If you see me sitting to the side silent, upset looking, please interject. If you ask me what's wrong I'll most likely reply "nothing" because I don't feel right trying to burden others with my problems (which is why it's taking me so much to ask this of you two right now.)
Meaghan, if you could try and remember to find time for me it would help. I know you have other friends and priorities but if you could find time on a weekend to spend with me, just us two, it would help a lot to reassure me that I'm not being forgotten. (your probably thinking "we spend time together all the time!" but think back to the last time we actually hung out alone and did something fun. Its been a long time...) And Ashley, all I can ask from you is for us to continue to get closer. I want to be as close to you as I am with Meaghan one day, if you're willing to let me, so let's keep trying.
I cant lose any more important people in my life. The reason I'm so clingy to the people I have is because I can't stand the thought of losing people like i lost my mom. I'm afraid to get close to people because that's another person that could get taken from me... Please, don't leave me. Don't give up on me. Help me to get to a point where I won't consider cutting myself as the only resort in my mind to let out my feelings. Thank you for being with me.

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Could you maybe give a fuck about me once? Or is that too much to ask? I mean, yeah, I get it... I just hate that you do this and expect me to be fine. Saying " Please don't get upset" doesn't just make my anguish go away. I'm going to get upset. You know me, I have to make a huge spectacle out of everything just to hope that you'll give me the attention I crave... It's not the act of it that hurts so much; though it does hurt a lot, trust me. But I'm used to the pain in my heart from other times like this... It's the fact that you expect me not to be upset. And please don't say you're sorry. I'm so tired of those words... Because people can say sorry an not mean it. But I hate it the most when people say it and they try to mean it. I don't need your sympathy, I don't need your empathy. It would just be nice if every time something like this happened you didn't try to make it go away... Emotions, while most of the time are troublesome and painful, are the only things keeping us from being lifeless.

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For once in my life, could I not be that one friend that gets left out? Please?

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New Year depression, same as last year's

My New Year wish was for things to be different this year, better. First day of the new year and I've already learned that this year is going to suck as bad as last. And the year before that. Glad to know I can never be happy; never be important enough in your life.

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Intensity.

Title: Intensity
Author: minhofirelight

Pairing/Characters: None; Kyuhyun-centric. Kangin and Henry
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Intense situations.
Summary: My name is Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun Cho, and never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be doing this for a living… I’d always dreamed of going to college, majoring in music, maybe even become a singer, but instead I became an assassin, and I have Kangin to thank, or maybe to blame… I don’t know which really.


 

I was out for revenge.Collapse )

Mean Girls Macros

I have nooooo life and indelible_x gave me the idea to make Kpop into Mean Girls... and I got obsessed with it lol.
YOU CAN'T SIT WITH USCollapse )

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Romeo + ... Romeo?! [1/?]

Title- Romeo + ... Romeo?! [1/?]
Author-
[info]minhofirelight 
Pairing(s)- MinKey (main), OnTae, hints of past JongKey
Genre- Crack?, AU, Romance, fail humour.
Rating- PG-13 for language
Warning(s)- Fail. Jessica (SNSD) bashing. Cussing. BoyxBoy.
Disclaimer- I do not own anything except the plot... and it's even an over-used idea.


Summary- Kim Kibum is just a simple boy who knows what he wants; Choi Minho. Too bad the school's star soccer player doesn't know the diva exists... But Key is persistent and won't let anything stop him! And if that means finding some way to steal the role of Juliette from his nemisis and stealing Minho's heart at the same time then, "Romeo, oh Romeo~" you'd better be ready for this!

A/N- Okay so this is a multi-chapter story I began writing like months ago and actually lost. -___-;; But I found it recently and decided to post it up here and see how people like it. It's my first story (on here) and I would love any comments or critisism or anything! Sorry for any spelling/gramatical errors and I apologize for my failure with paragraphs... I'm not the best at deciding where a new paragraph should start. Anyways, please enjoy~ Oh and it's based off a prompt I got from the SHINee Prompt Generator- Key/Minho/Drama Obsessions


 
"You're the reason for the stereotypes against gay guys... diary, pah!"Collapse )

A/N: If I get good feedback, I'll probably post the next chapter~ Hope it wasn't too bad.

YOU MAKE ME SMILE LIKE THIIIIIIS~

Well... So yeah. I'm new to posting on here...

Yeah I don't really know what I'm doing.
"When do you EVER know what you're doing?!"
"When I know what I'm doing!"
lol sorry about that. Blame the Sora Show xDD

...
HEY THERE. I'M DANIELLE AND I'M GOING TO PUT UP MY (bad) SHINEE ONESHOTS AND STUUUUUFF ON HERE. So y'know... read them and comment and all the jazz. AND PLEASE DON'T YELL AT ME IF MY STUFF IS BAD. Because I already know it is xDD



so yeah. ENJOY YOURSELVES.

<3 Danielle